She’d grown used to the noise, found her place amongst chatter
voice over voice, declaring what mattered.
First parents, then pastors, on to friends and teachers,
Then coaches and leaders, every single traveling preacher.
Each one confirming what the other denied,
Pointing fingers and blaming the other as the lie.
She was trained to listen, directed to hear,
Instructed to follow – year after year:
“Be silent!” “Play it safe!” “There’s darkness everywhere!”
“Use your voice!” “Take a risk!” “There’s nothing to fear!”
Yet amidst all the static, all the pulling, all the sway,
Arose a kind whisper, “My dear, what do you say?”
A gentle inquiry, accompanied by doubt,
worry would set in - fear of speaking out,
Against those whose beliefs were fixed in her mind,
to counter their wisdom, was inherently unkind.
Rebellion! Resentment! Disrespect! She heard,
As the chatter grew to warnings – conflict assured.
Divide, abort, abandonment - if she chose,
To think for herself instead of listening to those
who knew her the least, only mere acquaintance
Yet, somehow convinced her to beg for repentance.
On a Tuesday, the whisper had turned up the volume
higher and higher, it silenced her commune.
“My dear, my dear, where have you gone?
There’s a light of your own to follow, it has been there all along!”
You see, parents and pastors, friends and teachers,
Coaches and leaders, every traveling preacher,
Had relied on her dependence, her allegiance, her fear,
Feeding from her treasure,
Whales of tales had swallowed her whole;
Locomotives of consumption, her service as coal.
Now the whisper turned guardian, anger undeniable:
“Enough! That’s enough! Darling, your heart is reliable!"
Reclaim your voice, your future, your life!
Reclaim your desires, take a stand for your rights!”
The light swelled within her as she recognized this truth
And through kindness and love, for herself,
she was moved -
To fall out of line, forge a new path,
One that honored her own light, her own truth,
Now, this shifting had rattled those taking advantage,
those exploiting her story, unaware of their damage.
Silencing the chatter turned an all-0ut rebellion
As she fought for her own life, and that of other women.
Remaining tethered to some, required abandoning herself
Adopting another’s narrative, put hers on the shelf.
To nurture these friendships meant denying her own experience,
In order to create
a more comfortable convenience.
This grip of dependency, now a loose hold,
Allowed strings to unravel, exposing the old -
Fixed ways of being, walls callused and hard;
And as they crumbled to the ground, she lowered her guard.
Naked and bare – clothed with nothing at all,
Only faith, hope and love had survived this great fall.
No parent or friend, no pastor or teacher,
No coach, no leader, nor any traveling preacher,
Would ever again hold the life she had gathered,
Could ever again, tell her what valued-
With her sights re-calibrated, vision repaired
Her own wisdom and experience had always been there.
Above the fog, now armed with ambition,
She cast a net to the stars –
Aligning her rightful position.
Now shame, a tyrant, offered no mercy, no grace:
“Idiot, imbecile – you can never show your face!
Why ever did it take you so damn long??
You weak-willed woman, always doing things wrong!”
Yet this rage was no match, for she held herself most dear,
No longer fertile soil, for the planting of fear.
Feasting on self-respect, she served up something new
a more nourishing sustenance, aligning her to truth.
Self-awareness and humility had improved her digestion,
Health radiated from within her, refining perception.
Standing upright, erect, so proud of her healing
invested in a future, into every bit of her feeling,
She now trusted herself,
As the light within her,
continued to say:
“You are good. You are light.
You are energy through and through.
Give your all to what matters,
And that includes you.”